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Enid News & Eagle, Okla., Jeff Mullin column [Enid News & Eagle, Okla. :: ](Enid News & Eagle (OK) Via Acquire Media NewsEdge) Aug. 14--ENID, Okla. -- Animals and war have long gone hand in, well, hoof, flipper and paw. In World War I, horses were a common method of transportation for both troops and equipment. Some 10 million humans died during that terrible conflict, and eight million horses. Sgt. Stubby was one of the true heroes of World War I. He warned his fellow troops of toxic gas attacks. He located wounded soldiers during patrols and once attacked and captured a German spy. Sgt. Stubby was a dog, a pit bull mix who wound up outranking his owner, who smuggled him to the front lines in France. Sgt. Stubby survived the war and returned home to become a national icon. Camels were used in combat in both world wars. In the 19th century, the U.S. even formed the Camel Corps, which consisted of more than 60 camels. The members of the Camel Corps helped haul supplies for the army in the desert Southwest. But the camels' obstreperous nature led to the disbanding of the Camel Corps in 1861. Mammals aren't the only creatures to have participated in war. In World War I, soldiers used jars to collect thousands of European glowworms, which emit light through bioluminescence. Troops used the bugs' light for reading intelligence reports, battle maps or letters from home. Homing pigeons played a large role in World War II, Hannibal's troops used elephants to cross the Alps in 218 B.C. and the U.S. Navy has used dolphins and sea lions as underwater allies. There is even an Animals in War Memorial in London's Hyde Park, featuring statues of pack mules, a horse and a dog. Now someone has developed a way to weaponize cats. Not that cats have not made their own unique contribution to various wars, despite their stubborn unwillingness to do anything a human being wants them to. For centuries cats have served on shipboard, keeping vessels free from mice and rats and serving as ship's mascots. During the German siege of Stalingrad during World War II, a cat named Moukra carried messages about German troop movements from Russian scouts back to their headquarters. In ancient times it is said the Persians carried cats with them into battle against the Egyptians, because cats were so revered in Egypt and the Egyptians would be reluctant to do anything that might harm them. Now cats are ready to go to war again, thanks to Gene Bransfield, a security engineer and hacker. He has equipped a cat with a Wi-Fi detection device that can detect when wireless computer networks are vulnerable to attack. He calls the high-tech collar "WarKitteh." All the cat has to do is stroll through town and the collar does the rest, detecting computer networks and determining whether their security settings are outdated. OK, so it's not capturing a German spy or carrying secret messages, but it's something. Someday the technology may be used to hack into enemy computer networks and retrieve vital secrets, or at least to steal their Netflicks feed. Our cats are not big on war, unless it is with each other, their scratching post or one of the dozens of stuffed mice that populate their toy box. I suppose they could be trained to infiltrate enemy headquarters and shred their furniture, for what that is worth. They could sneak into enemy war rooms and sprawl across their battle maps, as they do whenever we try to read the newspaper. They could shed all over enemy headquarters, thus forcing them to spend more time vacuuming and less time warring. We could turn them loose in enemy barracks in the middle of the night, where they would walk all over the troops in their beds, meowing loudly, thus costing the enemy some much-needed sleep. And, if worst came to worst, they could be employed as projectiles. If you have never tried to catch 17 pounds of howling, yowling, squalling claws and teeth, you have not known fear. Actually, I am developing a plan though which felines could be used as weapons of war -- weaponized cat poo. In truth, you wouldn't need to do anything to the stuff to make it deadly. All you'd have to do is drop some filled to overflowing cat boxes among enemy troops and watch them scatter or succumb to the horrible smell. Our troops could be equipped with slingshots to fire the stuff at the enemy. And the ultimate weapon would be the "P bomb," a 500-kiloton lump of the stuff that could cover every resident of a large city up to their eyebrows in kitty poop. There would never be a shortage of ammunition. All our cats do all day is eat, sleep and poop, not necessarily in that order. Of course, cat poo may be considered too cruel to use in war. It may be classified as a WMD, a weapon of mass disgustitude. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go clean out the arsenal, er, litter box. Mullin is senior writer of the News & Eagle. Email him at [email protected]. ___ (c)2014 the Enid News & Eagle (Enid, Okla.) Visit the Enid News & Eagle (Enid, Okla.) at www.enidnews.com Distributed by MCT Information Services |